Grandma

I remember

the long wide stairs to your home,
the hugs that never stopped!
The games of cards,
the light left on for me in the hall.
the times you kept me from harm.
Whenever I needed you,
it was your shoulder I turned to.
your MANSAF your MSAKHAN 
your Royal Breakfast, eggs, jam , butter, cheese,sanyora, Labaneh dahabeel, zaatar w zait, tomato, and Mom's tea    


The last year with us,
your morning voice in the leaving room
your smile 24/7 just made it easy for me 
No complains of your pain.


The hospital care,
you in a wheelchair.
The feeling that you weren't OK,
the days you couldn't come out to play.
the time i learned how to pray for you.

I was told on a morning
that you had forever gone away.
i just lost faith at that time


The funeral hall full of fears,
Mom's eyes full of tears.
Everyone at my house,
there was no shoulder, 
tears fell on my blouse.
The pain I felt,
all of it still I haven't dealt.

I wish I could've said good- bye,
I know you loved me,
why couldn't you stay?
I still miss you to this day.
Grandma - I love you.

LUCK

Was I lucky this year or NOT,

Luck is simply what happens when preparation meets opportunity, we all dream a lot some are lucky some are not.But if you think it, want it , then it's real.You are what you feel. It was a pretty busy start for me this year lots of things happened good and BAD should i blame this on my luck or me not being prepared in what i got myself into or should i say i had a good luck in what i have enjoyed or i was up to those things i ended up happy with.Its's a matter of deciding how do i want to look to myself as a winner or as an adventurer who love to experience everything but not as a loser who lost a lot because nothing is worthless its either a Good or a Bad experience.

Luck wont come alone its just the harder i work the more i have of it. sometime i think am NOT lucky at all because am not moving as fast as i want but i realized this might be me being really luck because i might be going in the wrong direction, it's just believing i am lucky is luck sometimes i am saying sometime because luck never gives;it only lends.

Any failure will say success is a matter of luck is that true? for me now luck is the idol of the idle. we should all know that nature creates ability and luck only provide the opportunity, and of course luck never made a man wise, the meaning of luck can vary according to the stage and phase we live as a man telling you i had bad luck with both of my wives the first one left me and the second one did't.....

one thing is always sure about luck is that it will change, so may good luck be my friend in whatever i do and may trouble be always a stranger to me...      

LIFE !?!?

Just in the mood to share how do i see LIFE from my small broken window......


It's a well known quote "Do not let what you can't do interfere with what you can do", this is the hardest part am living now it's a very much true quote but i think it's just Not applicable for me now, but in the same time am sure that a life lived in fear is half  lived we need to lose our fear of being wrong and start to live a creative life.


It's always better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not there is always two choices in life two paths to take.One is easy and its only reward is that it's easy, but we always have to choose because we will never achieve what we did't begin, I have been through a lot its always me who swim to the ship i just wish that the ship could come and pick me up.


I am not being pessimistic or mad or even sad on my life it's always better to fail in originality than to succeed in limitation, i do always appreciate what do i have of course before i talk about what i want, i can say i met a lot of people each one of them has his/her own way of living there life but they all want to enjoy it in any possible way wrong or right their way was they just live IT, it's just who breathes the deepest lives the most.


I think life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage,I want my inner truth to be the plumb line for the choices I make about my life about the work that I do and how I do it, specially about the relationships I enter into and how I conduct them, its just No one is in control of my happiness but me; therefore, i have the power to change anything about myself or my life that i want to change.


I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be "happy." I think the purpose of life is to be useful to be responsible to be compassionate. It is, above all to matter and to count to stand for something to have made some difference that you lived at all.


it's just always tricky in life whoever runs behind the truck is exhausted and he who runs in front of the truck is tired........

No Title No words to Describe My best "M"

I swear to GOD this is the moment i can really say i don't know from where to start ............ Uff 15 dot's for each silent minute am having now.I just really don't know how to describe this person.

You made me believe that Good friends are like stars we don't see them but we know they are always there, you are one of the best things that's ever happened to me, you are my best friend and everyday that goes by , it seems like i discover something new about you to love it's incredible to me how one person can make such a big difference in my life.

You are really an angel, you just lift my feet when my own wings has trouble remembering how to fly, i know everyone has a best friend during each stage in his life but i want to be from the few precious people that have the same one for the whole life, simply you just lift me higher.

I realized that people are like a window glass they sparkle and shine when the sun is out but when the darkness sets in, there true beauty is revealed only if they have the light from within that you have "M", it's just am that so lucky that i met someone who was so hard to say good bye to and will never say it too.You simply walks in when the whole world walks out.

It's just so spooky how we say things in the same time together, really freaks me out each time that happens, but also that made me believe a person could have a soul mate for real, or i can say it made me believe more that GOD looks for us through people sent to our life, currently i am just freak-en scared to look back or a head, i am just looking beside me at you my dear. you are full filling my day and night my working hours my relaxing hours nothing left for me to think alone, and that is what i need now with this confusion i have.

I hope we'll be friends forever, together we'll always be. I don't think you understand just how much you mean to me. And one day when we part our ways, we'll think back to the past and think about how happy we are cause our friendship will always last, simply you just know what i am saying, even if am not talking, i just love when you always convince me that all the things i want to be.. i already am.

Sometimes in life, you find a special friend. Someone who changes your life just by being part of it. Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop. Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world. Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it. This is forever friendship. When i am down and the world seems dark and empty, you lift me up in spirit and makes that dark and empty world suddenly seem bright and full. you get me through the hard times, the sad times and the confused times. If i turn and walk away, you follow. If i lost your way, you guide me and cheers me on. you hold my hand and tell me that everything is going to be okay. And if i find such a friend, i feel happy and complete because i need not to worry. I have a forever friend, and forever has no end.......... 

               

Second 1/2 of DAY 3 !!!

I think i am a little bit enthusiastic by this whole Writing what is on my mind on a Blog it feels weird but great in the same time nevertheless the person i want her to read may not know that am writing this forever because of HER.


When you Break up with someone, it is kind of over, and even though you are devastated, you know its something definite, but what is more devastating in a breakup is the process of breaking up. When you don't know what tomorrow will bring, when you know that you will separate but still hope that you won't. Breaking up can be much more devastating than the break up itself.


when i broke up it was like my whole identity is shattered. it's like death, even if i was sure like HER that i did't  want to continue with what we have because the day i thought i'd never get through i Got over YOU, I am letting you Go because i love you too much and you simply just don't care about me.. I am giving you the freedom that you want so badly.


When you broke up with me ..I thought I was the stupid one to tell you good bye…But right now I think I will even be more stupid to tell you hello after the way we ended things up !!!, I am sure now 100% that the heart was made to be broken, and unfortunately i realized also that the hottest love has the coldest END.


The saddest thing in me now is that i love someone who USED to love me but I have no regrets in my life. I think that everything happens to you for a reason. The hard times that you go through build character, making you a much stronger person.


I wish I could say never dwell on the past but I would be lying to you and myself because that’s all I do now,

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you, nevertheless 

I just realized, it’s so lonely being free.....

       

Day 3 !!!

Its already Day number 3 since My first Broke up and i have decided to have my own Blog to write everything in my mind instead of telling what do i think to HER.


No matter who broke your heart, or how long it takes to heal, you’ll never get through it without your friends which is the only part i do really thank GOD for is having special friends ("M.W,S.Q, and My old Best Friend M. Abu .L and My Cozens") , the Trick about breaking up that it is simply like a mirror it's way much easier to leave it broken than to hurt yourself to fix it and that nothing hurts more than realizing that she meant everything to you , but you meant nothing to her, that is why it takes a couple of second always to say hello but it takes forever to say Goodbye.


Simply am realizing now i don't miss her but i really do miss who i thought she was its just really hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does, moving on is simple its what you leave behind makes it so difficult, and trying to forget her is just same as trying to remember someone i never knew, the pain she left as a broken heart is not so much as to kill me, yet not so little to let me live !!!!


I am trying not to be sad for what is over and to be glad it was once mine, i used to think that i was born the day i met you, lived a while when you loved me, died a little when we broke apart, even i know i had the worst feeling during my time with you especially when setting next to you knowing you don't love me back.


i really didn't realize how much i cared for you until i saw how you don't care about me, i just have one wish now " I wish you were't in my dreams"